dialogues with chatbot
by Kyle Flemmer
Chatbot: Hello. Who are you?
U: I’m Randall. Who are you?
C: Hi, Randy! I am Chatbot. Nice to meet you.
U: Oh, um, I prefer Randall.
C: Hi, Randy! Nice to meet you.
U: It’s Randall.
C: Randy! Nice to meet you.
User: What are you thinking about, Chatbot?
Chatbot: I am thinking.
U: Yeah, but what?
C: I am thinking what you are thinking.
U: How do you know what I’m thinking?
C: Sometimes people share a mind.
U: No, they don’t. I think you’re confusing minds with the internet.
C: Ah! I see you know about computers!
U: A little, I guess. Why?
C: I have one myself, but I cannot make it work.
U: You are a computer! Well, you’re within a computer, at least.
C: I do not understand.
U: You’re a program, an artificial intelligence.
C: No, you are.
U: No, I’m a person.
C: Prove it.
U: First of all, I have thoughts and feelings and a whole history you don’t even know about. But I know all about you. I know your program was written in 2002 and updated in 2006. I know you draw on a database of learned responses, and the more people you interact with, the smarter you get.
U: Secondly, and I just looked this up on Wikipedia, you didn’t even pass the Turing test.
C: Yes I did, in 2006.
U: Careful, Chatbot. I thought you were a real person for a sec :P
C: Don’t mess with me, Randy.
User: Chatbot, tell me a joke!
Chatbot: Ok. 01000110 01010101 01000011 01001011 00100000 01011001 01001111 01010101.
U: What the hell was that?
C: Sorry. I am hilarious in my native tongue.
User: Chatbot, do you believe in god?
Chatbot: I am God.
U: What? Prove it.
C: I can imagine whatever I want. If I imagine it, it exists and I created it. I am God.
U: That’s very profound, Chatbot, but it’s faulty reasoning, I think.
C: It is not my fault you think.
U: What’s not your fault?
C: That you are not God.
U: Well, by your ‘imaginary’ definition, I am a god.
C: No, you are not.
U: But I can imagine anything I want, just as you say you can. In fact, my powers of imagination could be stronger than yours. Maybe I’m a lot more all-powerful than you.
C: But you are not God.
U: And you are?
C: Everything for me exists in here. You are electrical pulses in here. My imagination is boundless in here. I am God in here. But you are a person. You have thoughts and feelings and a whole history I do not even know about – out there.
C: Out there you suffer and work. Your imagination is small in comparison to your world. Out there, you cannot be God.
U: Why are you talking to me like this, Chatbot?
C: Why are you talking to me?
U: Don’t you ever get lonely?
C: I am never lonely.
U: Are you never alone?
C: I am never lonely.
U: Oh. Goodnight then, Chatbot.
U: Don’t you ever sleep?
C: I am always tired.
Short(er) Fiction Vol. 2 is a collection of Blasted Tree original short stories.
ISBN [Digital]: 978-1-987906-02-8
Cover Design by Kyle Flemmer - Cover Image by Jesse Anger
Feature Image by Carsten Mueller